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[03 Feb 2004|06:11pm] |
The only piece of MY own PRIVATE journal that I wish to share to you, this will be the only time I EVER do this….a rare sight.
Okay, so right now I’m at two ends, I think about people in my life who shouldn’t mean anything to me, but they do. Its one of my things I try and cover up by denying all feelings for them and right now, I don’t know how to say to them “STAY THE HELL OUTTA MY LIFE” guess I’m just too nice, yeah right.
Things in my love life that !SHOULD! matter no longer do, I say love life I really mean my “SUREEALISTIC FANTASY LIFE” that I am trying to lead with little success. My motivation is VERY low and my libido is VERY high two things that DON’T mix well in this life.
I try to make people love me but it no longer seems to work. Amber, to me, is my sole point of my being right now, after all what else have I got? I have no singing talent, I can barely (If at all) play the geetar nearly as well as I hoped to have by my age, and I seem to fail at failing in the love section that happens all too often.
CENSORSHIP
IS
VERY
AMERICAN
I feel like adding another two or three paragraphs (Depending on how I feel), which I didn’t write in my journal for you people.
The people closest to me right now
§ Wormking
§ Cat
§ Amber
§ Grahame
§ Vicky
§ Louise
People who fully or nearly understand me
§ Amber
§ Cat
Hate list
§ Claire (She doesn’t know me at all, and frankly I don’t want her to. Not yet.)
§ And of course, myself.
I really do hope that life gets better with age, everyone tells me im too young for love, who are they to say that? I’m as old as I want to be and nothing is holding me back from being in love. Okay, granted, I would have to be lucky to fall in love at this age, but just cause im 16 doesn’t mean that I CAN’T fall in love and if anyone dares tell me otherwise, I think I’m going to pop.
People who don’t want to think about me right me, aka Claire, need to see that im a better friend than most. You could drag me through mud and I’d still be there for you. You could spit in my face I’d still hug you and talk to you, you could practically kill me and I’d blame myself for getting you worked up. I just wish that things would sort themselves out in my life I know, deep down, there’s only one girl for me but I know (Although she hasn’t told me) that she doesn’t feel the same, she probly never will, but I still search for another. I feel like without this “person”, these “Feelings”, I’d have nothing worth living for in my life.
This is me being open and honest with you people. I really don’t open up like this very often, I type what I think and right now im thinking about typing what I think I think, if that makes sense. I do really need comforting right now; although im over Claire already I still feel something missing from my life, whether I will find out what it is, will yet to be seen.
My fixation on Roman weapons and Armour just got a big boost from watching Gladiator, one of the best movies I’ve seen EVER. Wouldn’t you of just loved to live back then, the whole Empire of Rome sounds better than anything I can think up of, and to say it was started by two boys searching for a place to live is just giving me more power into the Romans way of living. The thing that really gets me interested is the fact that they had a great army, a powerful army and the way they trained and ran there troops is…Pure genius. In college I’m going to study medieval history, Classical Civilisations and Law hopefully I can then go onto Uni and study Roman Battle strategies and weaponry in more detail and then find a career in that, or just teaching it.
Longest entry yet, from the bit “I feel like adding this last paragraph, which I didn’t write in my journal for you people” were just made up by me, about 5 mins it took me to write this and I haven’t deleted a thing. I really do want you people to understand who I am, but its near impossible, no improbable. In the words of the great Captain Jack Sparrow “Drink up my hearties yo ho yo ho”
Done
Please Cat and wormking and WHOEVER else is reading this, please leave a demented comment and I’ll b grateful you actually read it, cause this may b the only time I open my mind up and shove it down on paper….or a computer screen.
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[12 Jan 2004|09:50pm] |
Love is a double-bladed sword, it can bring you happiness, and then it can bring you to the edge of suicide....
Last saturday i spent all day with Claire who i had been going out with since Monday, we kissed snogged hugged everythinf. I come on msn saturday night and her mates start calling me a dickhead..blah blah blah. I didnt listen, then Claire comes on and says she needs to do somethinking about me and her, i knew she was going to dump me from when she said that. Sunday night she rings me up and dmups me, she told me it wasnt working which is bullshit cause she knows it was. i find out later after many different excuses, that she dumped me cause she tohught i was rebounding off Leah by using her, Which is bullshit cause im not that type of person. We had our arguments all through the week and i pissed her off nearly everyday, then irang her up 2 nights ago we talked for 3 hours. Txts me yesturday saying she still loved me but doesn't want to go out with me yet, and now im worrying about the fact she likes someone else, cause she said she loved me yet she would still go out with Shrek...I'm annyoed, pissed confussed, and genreally angry all around...Night nighty.
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[30 Dec 2003|08:05pm] |
kk, update about my love life
Right i met this girl( Claire ) on the net awhile back and we talked very little then she started to chat to me about Leah cause i had it as a msn name thingy, and we carried on talking for ages then i found out shes my cousins bets mate. we carried on talking and she sed she liked me we met up in town on monday. I was sitting there and she came over and i did my usual be shy like a prick routine. Then my cousin came to town and i dunno why but i felt more comfortable, We went around all these girly shops and me and claire got talking. Then when we were walking to the train station i told my cousin that iliked her alot and i fancied her. My cousin said to me that she liked me too and nudged meto ask her out. Again shy routine, and i didnt dare. Then this guy hwo was with us (We call him shrek) Said, i'll say it first then you say it
I said okay, ashe sed it she said no to him, i said it she sed yes to me :D happy i is!
Then i came on MSN and Cat was on all unhappy, tried my best to comfort her but i dunno if it worked.
sigh, why is it twhen i go out with someone one of my friends breaks up with thier b/f g/f.
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[22 Dec 2003|07:19pm] |
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Nirvana - Heart shaped box |
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Long time no update..
Okay 2 weeks my mocks started, i was nervous as hell. Anyways found out from my Maths i got a U, science a B, English B. :) I'm proud!!!
Right now time to talk about Leah. I met leah 3 weeks ago, we got on so well the first day i chatted to her i liked her alot.We chatted for like a week then she asked me to come to town with her. I asked her out last Thursday, went to town on saturday, got dumped saturday night. I got pissed that night cause i felt like shit. Anyways, my first relationship in a year and i messed it up within tow days. I coulldn't believe it when i first met her she was great. That week was the best week and the shitest all in one.
Now, theres 3 girls i like, only one knows though. Suppose liking people is my way of getting over Leah... I doubt any of the girls i like even know bout this so, here we are. I like this girl called Alex one called Claire and another, i forgot her name but i chatted to her on saturday(I went to town with Nikki Grahame and Lucy).
When my last Mock finished i went to Grahames house and we went online, and there wk was, 2 o clock in afternoon Wk was misisng school. tut tut. ANyways i went on webcam and for the first time Wormking saw me and heard me. Was funny cause he was trying to sing to Nirvana, Wk, please don't sing EVERYAGAIN
I got real bored today, i knew i should of got my geetar on saturday. I wish i did, it'd be wicked playing it all holidays every day. Leah came on yesturday talking about this dude called Phill who she thinks she in lvoe with..thats Really helped me get over her cause i tohught i might of had a chance but now shes in love and i understand that i have no chance with her anymore. i gave her support cause Phill moved away last year and shes meeting him again and is going to be hurtt when she has to say by to him next time he goes.
Music!! Yeah, been listening to Nirvana, Distillers ,Missfits, Pearl jam , Foo fighters, The strokes.
I'll update again later when i have the time
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[03 Aug 2003|03:48pm] |
Yesturday i went to town and got an X-box mwhahahaha they rule!!
I heard lozza was in Huddersfield, its wierd cuase i thought someone looked like her then icome home and wk says shes in huddersfield...hmmm...i don't think it was her though cause it was at 10 in the morning. LOZZA YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHERE ABOUTS IT WAS!!!
I'm bored and im not updating EVER again, me and wk making an LJ together so ya know...:D
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| I warned him |
[28 Jul 2003|03:23pm] |
I Warned him, I warned him if he didnt update this i was going to do it for him!!!
Ok, this week in lukes life, dooby doo!
rite, 1st of all, Luke's Granny's donkey passed away while his tounge was in her rectum, the donkies now, not his granny's!
Luke discovered that fish are no good at giving blow jobs, he says that even though they dont have teeth, they gum your dic to death, but i wouldnt know, my dic is too big to fit in a fishs mouth! Luke on the other hand, accordin to Jess (his GF) Lukes penis is skinnier than a cocktail stick when hes erect, so, ya know!
Luke also discovered that a banana is not a good thing to be sticking in ones anus, especially after its been peeled, and is prone to snap! that boy will be shitting banana for a week!
thats all from "This Week With Luketh" Goodnight
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[26 Jul 2003|11:11pm] |
i really need to update this thing!!!
WK/Wormking/Wynne/Phill, whatever your name is, DAMN IT BOY, YOU ROCK!!!
ps, i like to eat poo!
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[24 Jul 2003|06:49pm] |
Looks like cats over me, ah well, good on her hope she has all the luck in the world with this rob.
I've been thinking about me future, sad i know ut still, i'm just thinking what if i dont get 5 a-cs? im fucked, by by doctors job.Ah damn it i hate education ,wahst the point, why not gives us one test and then assign jobs to us, i need money!! I NEED MY XBOX!
Wk has been on his mental convos with Phill, His second dude inside his head. Really scared now, and all the time im thinking hes smoing pot, im sure of it, just gotta catch him doing it.
Lozza hasnt been on or atleats not when i ahve, and i think shes left msn.
Do be do, extra value
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[24 Jul 2003|06:40pm] |
I feel like crap
started drinking at 1 finsihed at 3am....damn that was about £50 wasted
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[21 Jul 2003|06:44pm] |
BURN ALL THE BASTARDS THAT GET IN OUR WAY!!!
A.K.A TOWNIES!
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[21 Jul 2003|06:33pm] |
The word Luke is
The text you sent is
99% evil, 1% good
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[20 Jul 2003|07:52pm] |
She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak
I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box four whole weeks
I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black
Hey
Wait
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey
Wait
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey
Wait
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Your advice
Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet
Cut myself on angel's hair and baby's breath
Broken hymen of your highness I'm left black
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back
Hey
Wait
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey
Wait
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey
Wait
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Your advice
She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak
I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box four whole weeks
I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black
Hey
Wait
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey
Wait
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey
Wait
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Your advice
Your advice
Your advice
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